(CNN) — “Medication stole my motherhood and my life.”
That’s what prosecutors say was written in a note found on Lindsay Clancy’s cellphone, which was last modified the day before she fatally strangled her three young children in January 2023.
“I was the healthiest, happiest mom,” the note, which was created in late December 2022, said. “I worked out every morning, meditated, and took care of myself so I could be the best for my kids. Until prescription medication stole me from my own body. It began with a touch of post partum anxiety.”
The note briefly displayed in court Thursday offered jurors in Clancy’s triple-murder trial perhaps their best glimpse yet at the Massachusetts mother’s apparent perspective on her own struggle with mental health leading up to the killings. In other writings found on her cellphone, Clancy detailed her anxiety and depression, challenges raising her children and her hesitation to take new medication.
Clancy, 36, does not deny she killed her children – Cora, 5; Dawson, 3; and 8-month-old Callan – in the family’s Duxbury home on January 24, 2023. But her attorney argues she should not be held criminally responsible because she was suffering from postpartum psychosis when she strangled them and then attempted to kill herself.
The Commonwealth, meanwhile, argues Clancy killed her three children “deliberately and meticulously.” Though they acknowledged she had mental health issues, prosecutors contend she was not in the “throes of psychosis” when she fatally strangled the children.
The notes were presented in court Thursday during the testimony of a cellphone forensic analyst, who testified he extracted the writings from Clancy’s phone. Her attorney, Kevin Reddington, did not challenge the authenticity of the notes or question who wrote them during his cross-examination.
Another note found on Clancy’s phone, last modified in early November 2022, detailed how she felt “sad and depressed” that she wasn’t able to parent her youngest child, Callan, the same way she raised her first.
“I feel not as connected with Cal now,” the note, which was read aloud in court, said. “I think I sort of resent my other children because they prevent me from treating Cal like my first baby. And I know that’s not fair to them.”
The note also included a list of “affirmations.”
“I will get through this. I will overcome postpartum anxiety and depression. I am a great mom. I love my kids.”
Clancy, who has pleaded not guilty to three counts of murder, could face life in prison if convicted. If jurors find she cannot be held criminally responsible, the court will likely begin the process of committing her to a psychiatric hospital.
Things went ‘downhill’ amid sleeping troubles, note said
In the note last modified on January 23, 2023, Clancy wrote she struggled with anxiety after the birth of her youngest child, who wouldn’t take a bottle and was on a strict nap schedule.
“I had 3 young kids to take care of and was a touch anxious. So I did what you do…. asked a psychiatrist for some Zoloft,” she wrote in the note.
After Clancy increased her dosage per the doctor’s instructions, the mother of three “couldn’t sleep a wink,” she wrote. Her psychiatrist told her to stop taking Zoloft and advised her to take Ativan and Benadryl to help her sleep, according to the note.
“That’s when everything started going downhill,” Clancy wrote, saying she had become “dependent” on the medication to fall asleep.
Parts of the note align with testimony jurors have heard from witnesses, including several of Clancy’s medical providers who testified she struggled with anxiety and insomnia.
Two providers testified Clancy had trouble sleeping after taking Zoloft; one said Clancy reported she was awake for 48 straight hours.
Clancy’s psychiatrist, Dr. Jennifer Tufts, testified she then prescribed Clancy Ativan to take in instances of severe anxiety. In early November, Tufts and Clancy agreed on a plan to taper her off the benzodiazepine, which the psychiatrist said has a risk of dependency. But by the next month, Tufts learned Clancy had started taking multiple other medications prescribed by another provider.
“Without the Ativan, she was having a lot of difficulty sleeping,” the psychiatrist testified.
In the months leading up to her children’s killings, Clancy saw several medical providers, repeatedly changed medications and visited multiple treatment centers – including a multiday stay at a locked-ward facility in early January 2023, testimony showed.
‘I want to feel happy’
In another note found on Clancy’s phone, last modified in early November 2022, Clancy described struggling with feeling she couldn’t parent all of her children the way she wanted to – an issue she identified as “the root cause of all our problems.”
The note described her concerns about stopping breastfeeding and sleep training Callan, who was then about 5 months old.
“I guess I also feel slightly traumatized by the sleep training, but that feeling was only really present when I was severely sleep deprived and paranoid,” she wrote. “I know what we did was the right thing and okay.”
Records from Tufts’ first session with Clancy earlier that fall indicated the mother of three told the psychiatrist she was feeling overwhelmed. Her children were challenging, and she felt anxious leaving her baby, Clancy said, according to the doctor.
Clancy wrote in the note she wanted to have a fourth child but needed to see a “really good therapist” before then. The note also detailed her hesitation starting a new medication for “anxiety/depression.”
“I want to feel happy, but it would be nice to feel authentically happy and not fake,” she wrote. “But I need to feel happier than I did last evening because then I was pretty depressed and not enjoying any of my children. It was really sad.”
While reviewing Clancy’s cellphone records, her defense attorney pointed to multiple internet searches related to caring for and playing with children, including queries about trampolines and kids’ movies.
He also highlighted multiple searches about prescription medications and mental disorders, including queries about schizophrenia, psychosis, hallucinations and bipolar disorder, which were made in January 2023.
Clancy’s phone also contained queries about suicide, according to the analyst.
Prosecutors highlighted one search, which was made four days before the Clancy children were killed: “Can you treat a sociopath?”
The-CNN-Wire
™ & © 2026 Cable News Network, Inc., a Warner Bros. Discovery Company. All rights reserved.