Moving into a senior living community is a big step for anyone. But for older LGBTQIA+ adults, the decision often comes with concerns that go beyond downsizing or parting ways with a longtime home. It raises a more personal and more urgent question: Will I feel safe being myself in this community?
Abe Feingold recalls friends asking him whether he was worried about having to “go back into the closet” upon moving into Kendal, an affirming senior living facility in Oberlin, Ohio, in March 2024.
“Having lived my life openly since my college days, it would have been impossible for me to go back into the closet, as I imagine occurs for some LGBTQIA+ persons moving to environments less accepting of this aspect of diversity,” says Feingold, a retired clinical psychologist.
Many LGBTQIA+ seniors grew up in an era when being out posed real social, legal and physical risks, points out Kai Korpak, a Chicago-based sex and relationship therapist and associate director of training and wellness at Best Therapies. As a result, choosing a senior living community isn’t just about amenities, available activities or cost — it’s also about the freedom to live openly and be accepted for who you are.
There’s a big difference between tolerant and affirming senior living communities.
“A tolerant community allows people to exist as they are,” says Billy Nelson, CEO of Vista Point at Fairview, a retirement community in Groton, Connecticut, that’s committed to inclusion. “An affirming community creates the conditions for people to belong.”
Here’s how to find an affirming senior community, plus critical questions to ask while touring a senior living community.
[Read: 7 Signs It’s Time to Move to a Senior Living Facility]
Why Choosing an LGBTQ-Affirming Senior Community Matters
Your home should be your safe space. Here are some of the top reasons why choosing an affirming community is necessary for your well-being.
Mental health and belonging
Many older adults are at risk of social isolation. Responses from a 2023 national poll showed that as much as 37% of older U.S. adults (between ages 50 and 80) experienced loneliness, and 34% reported feeling socially isolated. This can have dire health effects, with research showing that social isolation has been linked to a 32% increased risk of death.
“Belonging plays a powerful role in healthy aging,” Nelson says. “LGBTQ-affirming communities help foster connection, reduce isolation and create opportunities for residents to build friendships rooted in mutual respect and shared values.”
Korpak adds that affirming environments help prevent trauma from resurfacing.
“Long-term care facilities that are truly affirming are important to not retraumatize or force individuals to ‘go back into the closet,'” he says.
Safety and respect
Imagine not feeling safe or respected in a community you’re paying to live in. For LGBTQIA+ older adults, that fear can be especially unsettling as independence decreases and reliance on others grows.
“When inclusion is openly discussed and thoughtfully managed, it creates an environment where people can focus on living fully rather than worrying about how they will be treated,” Nelson says.
Quality of care
“Culturally competent care requires that providers be knowledgeable about LGBTQIA+ health needs, including HIV care, sexual health, trauma history or gender-affirming care for trans and nonbinary residents,” Korpak says.
[Read: 11 Signs Your Aging Parent Needs Senior Care]
How to Find LGBTQ-Friendly Senior Living Communities
In a world where virtually every resource is at our fingertips, the challenge isn’t a lack of options — it’s knowing how to evaluate them.
Consider these expert-backed tips for finding an inclusive senior living community.
— Look for the SAGECare Credential. Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Elders (SAGE) is an organization that offers regular, up-to-date training for staff to learn to understand the specific needs of LGBTQ+ seniors. This credential is currently recognized in the U.S. and Canada.
— Check out the Long-Term Care Equality Index (LEI). SAGE and the Human Rights Campaign Foundation created the LEI, a national benchmarking tool, to promote LGBTQ+ inclusive policies and practices in places like senior living communities.
— Research LGBTQ-specific retirement communities. Word-of-mouth recommendations can be especially valuable when evaluating LGBTQ-friendly senior living options. If you don’t know someone personally who is at this stage of life, consider seeking insight from LGBTQIA+ elders online or connecting with local LGBTQIA+ chambers of commerce, advocacy organizations or social groups that can help vouch for communities in your area.
[Read: Having the Conversation With a Loved One About Senior Living.]
Top Tips for Evaluating a Senior Living Community
When it comes to finding your new home and neighbors, you have agency.
Consider these tips before or while touring a community.
Analyze the community’s marketing and media
This is the first step. Before you take the time to go tour a place, look at how they market the community online. Does the website use gender-neutral language? Do they show a diverse group of people and couples? Also, be sure to check its reviews, Korpak says.
Check the intake paperwork and residents’ rights
Check if forms include options for “partner” or “chosen family” rather than just “spouse” or “next of kin.”
“Take a look at what their policies are and how discrimination is handled related to sexual orientation and gender identity,” Korpak says.
Research local nondiscrimination laws
Each state has different laws, so keep that in mind as you search for your community. Currently, only 22 states and Washington, D.C., explicitly prohibit discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation.
These include:
— California
— Colorado
— Connecticut
— Delaware
— Hawaii
— Illinois
— Maine
— Maryland
— Massachusetts
— Michigan
— Minnesota
— Nevada
— New Hampshire
— New Jersey
— New Mexico
— New York
— Oregon
— Rhode Island
— Utah
— Vermont
— Virginia
— Washington
Assess the communication style of the community
How people communicate in the senior living home can give you a sense of whether groups of people feel acknowledged in shared spaces.
A few things to pay attention to include:
— Inclusive language. Whether the staff uses inclusive language naturally or only after being prompted is an important indicator. If someone on the staff is visibly uncomfortable when talking about inclusion topics, that’s another big clue this community may not be the right fit.
— Interactions. How residents interact with one another and the staff can help give you an idea of whether the senior living community is affirming or not. Does the community encourage inclusion, or does it treat everyone the same without acknowledging the importance of respecting individual identities?
— Staff communication. How the staff communicates is key to identifying an inclusive community. If they give vague responses to very direct questions or show an overreliance on generic language, that’s a red flag.
“Inclusion is strongest when it’s intentional, thoughtful and clearly articulated,” Nelson says.
Trust your intuition
If you’re doing the tour and something just feels off, despite it checking the above boxes, trust that gut-feeling.
“Inclusion should feel natural and present across the community, not confined to a brochure or mission statement,” Nelson says. “Communities that are genuinely affirming tend to welcome questions with openness and ease rather than hesitation.”
Critical Questions to Ask During Your Tour
Here are some quick questions you can ask while visiting a senior community.
Policy and staff training
— Does your staff receive recurring training on LGBTQ+ cultural competency?
— Do you have an explicit nondiscrimination policy that includes gender identity?
“Regular training reflects a commitment to learning and adapting as resident needs and best practices evolve,” Nelson says. “Clear policies provide reassurance and accountability, especially as care needs change over time.”
Social life and inclusion
— Do you celebrate Pride Month or host LGBTQ-specific events?
— How do you handle discrimination or bullying between residents?
“Thoughtful recognition can indicate whether LGBTQ+ residents are visible and valued within the broader community culture,” Nelson says.
How proactively a community protects its residents from bullying shows how much they value the safety and well-being of everyone in the community.
Transgender-specific care
— How do you ensure that transgender residents are housed according to their gender identity?
— Will my chosen name and pronouns be reflected in my medical charts and daily interactions?
“A clear, respectful response to the above questions demonstrates preparedness and sensitivity to individual needs,” Nelson says.
Policies around medical decisions
— What policies are in place for partners or nontraditional support systems who may not be respected in medical decision-making or visitation policies?
— How do you support residents whose primary support system is chosen family rather than biological relatives?
Korpak emphasizes the need to ask about the community’s viewpoints on chosen family — he recommends asking these questions before you commit to a place. This can help set you up for success in the event of a medical emergency.
Additional Resources for LGBTQIA+ Seniors and Families
If you’re not sure where to start with your search or if you have additional questions, consider reaching out to the following resources.
— SAGE. SAGE has its own hotline and offers a list of verified national resources.
— Local LGBTQ+ aging advocacy groups and community centers. Lean on your community for advice and recommendations.
— AARP. AARP’s LGBTQ+ resources may also help inspire more questions to ask or advocate for in a senior living community.
Bottom Line
Finding the right senior living community doesn’t have to be a grueling process. Information is power: Do your research, tour communities before committing and don’t settle for less than an environment where you feel safe and respected. Starting the process early can also give you more time to be selective and avoid rushed decisions.
“Planning early matters,” Korpak says. “Even if a move is years away, identifying affirming options in advance reduces crisis-driven decisions and empowers seniors to age with dignity, visibility and safety.”
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How to Find LGBTQIA-Friendly Senior Living Communities originally appeared on usnews.com